I am Sorry, Brother!

That was an exasperating day. All of them were tired after the long journey. The rugged path lay close to the Arabian Desert, and it went up the hills and down the valleys. The women and children were already in their tents. Jacob, although tired, couldn’t sleep. The uninvited thoughts that invaded his mind kept him awake. He went outside his tent, and found a comfortable place to lie down. Lying flat on his back on the grassy meadow, he let his eyes jump lazily from one star to another in the blue canopy above. He also let his mind jump from one thought to another.

The stars in the sky were created on the fourth day. Jacob remembered this information which he had learned from his father. Jacob was on his way back home along the same path he took to run away from his home twenty years earlier. He ran away from home alone, but now he had with him a huge family of two wives, twelve children, and numerous maids and servants. He also had with him all his wealth that consisted of a large number of sheep and cattle. From Mesopotamia to Canaan, it was more than 300 miles, and the journey might have taken at least a month. They traveled during the day and rested at night in tents. Jacob’s memories traveled through the past events.

Memories kept streaming in Jacob’s mind. He began to tell his story as if the stars were his audience.

“God, the great farmer in heaven, created the world in six days, and rested on the seventh day. My father used to tell all these stories to me and to my brother Esau. Although he had a lot of work, he always found time to spend with us. Mostly he told us the legendary stories of my grandfather, Abraham. Hearing those stories, my grandfather became a hero to me. He was such a faithful and God-fearing person that even God treated him as a friend!

“My bother Esau and I used to compete for my father’s affection. Esau was interested in hunting like my father, whereas I was more interested in cooking and in other household activities. Naturally, this made Esau spend more time with my father, and eventually, I came to believe that my father loved my brother more than he loved me. Although we were twins, he was the first to come out, which made him older. It is customary for the older one to inherit the lion’s share of the parents’ wealth. This aggravated my feeling of inferiority, and I grew jealous of him.

“My belief that my father loved my brother more created a wall of separation between my father and me. It created an even bigger wall between me and my brother. I couldn’t open up my heart to my father any more. My mother, being very sensitive to my feelings, noticed the change in me. She could read what was going on within my mind, and she made a conscious attempt to make me feel safe and secure. She didn’t want me to feel unloved or inferior to my brother.

“It appeared to our neighbors and others who knew our family that the enmity that grew between me and my brother was watered by our parents by taking sides and by dividing us among them. However, the truth was far from it. It was my own misunderstanding of my father’s love and my sense of inferiority that caused the enmity between us.

“I lost peace of mind and my heart was filled with bitterness. My own home became a hell to me. Taking my brother’s place in the family became my only goal in life. How short-sighted I was! How narrow-minded I was!

“One evening when Esau came home after a hunting trip, he was dead tired. I was cooking some delicious food, and Esau begged me to give him some of it. My crooked mind worked fast enough to make a bargain with him. In exchange of the food, I asked him to give me his birthright as the older one. Immediately he agreed. He probably thought I was joking. At that moment, he didn’t realize that I was cheating him. He couldn’t imagine that I, his own twin brother, could cheat him that way.

“This birthright was to be granted to me by my father, who had been unaware of the bargain that took place between my brother and me. One day I got an opportunity to make my father grant me the birthright without his knowledge. My father was almost blind by then, and I went to his presence disguised as Esau, while he was waiting for Esau. I obtained the birthright from him deceptively by making him believe that I was Esau. 

“When Esau heard about what happened, he was very angry at me. Who wouldn’t have been angry in such a situation? If such crookedness and deception had come from a stranger, he could perhaps have tolerated it. But from one’s own brother… that was beyond his comprehension.

“I attained the goal I was seeking. I got my brother’s place. But I was not at all happy. Bitterness was now replaced with fear. I was afraid if Esau might kill me. I tried to avoid his sight. He might have been angry enough to kill me, but it was I who caused that anger in his heart. He was perhaps waiting for our father to pass away before taking revenge on me. My own fear began to kill me day after day, and I was losing my sanity. Once again my mother came to my rescue. She advised me to flee from home and away to my uncle in her home-town in Mesopotamia, and she sought my father’s permission for me to leave. Thus I left my home.

Jacob sat up. His mind was taking a deep plunge into the memories of his past. He continued in a while.

“Twenty years away from home with my uncle, Laban! If I cheated my own brother, my uncle cheated me over and over again. He made me work like a slave all these years in return for giving me his daughters as my wives. It began when my youthful heart was captured by the beauty and innocence of Rachel, the younger one. My uncle demanded seven years of labor as her price, and I agreed. At the end of the seven years of hard labor, Laban brought to me under the cover of darkness what I thought was Rachel. Only the next morning did I realize that Laban had cheated me by giving me Lea, the older one, instead of Rachel. How angry I was that day! I got Rachel too, but I had to do  seven more years of hard labor. Once I got Rachel, I worked six more years to make some wealth for my own family, which was getting bigger and bigger. Instead of helping me, Laban was taking advantage of me all these years. I couldn’t expect my own uncle treating me this way.

“When I was cheated by my own uncle, I knew how it was like to be cheated. I realized how my brother might have felt when I cheated him. When I felt angry enough to kill my own uncle, I knew how my brother might have felt for me. This realization slowly transformed me. I feel so sorry for treating my own brother that way. He is my own flesh and blood. We were together in my mother’s body. We played together as children for years. How on Earth could I stand against him! How could I feel jealous of him!

“Now I am making this long journey with my whole family with one purpose – to see my brother and to say sorry. Until I let him know that I am truly sorry for what I did to him, I won’t have any peace of mind.

“But …… will he believe me? Will he suspect that it is another trick I am playing to cheat him again? I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in twenty years, and I haven’t had any communication with him. What if he doesn’t believe me? What if he takes this as a golden opportunity to take revenge upon me? I hear this rumor that he is on his way with four hundred men to meet me.

“I wouldn’t blame him if he wants to kill me. I deserve such a punishment. I am willing to accept such a punishment from the hands of my brother. My only concern is for my family. If I die, they become orphans.

“But I am not going back. I need to see my brother. I have to take this risk. I am going to place myself at my brother’s feet. I must say sorry to him. It is up to him to accept it or not. It is unlikely that he will forgive me after all that I did to him. But that doesn’t matter. Let him kill me if he wants to. Once he kills me, let him decide what to do with my family. Let him take care of them or let him kill them all.

Jacob sat up with a shudder.

“Oh my God, what was the thought that just passed through my mind? It is alright if my brother kills me, but if he kills my children….? No I can’t think of that.”

Jacob couldn’t think any more. His mind went blank at the thought of his children getting murdered. After a while, he wept bitterly and opened his heart before Yahweh. He prayed,

“My Lord, the God of my father and grandfather, I sinned to thee by cheating my own flesh and blood. I do not deserve any mercy from thee or from my brother. I am willing to take any punishment for my actions. I am willing to die at the hands of my brother. But, please, let me ask just one thing. I can’t bear the thought of my children getting killed along with me. They haven’t done anything wrong other than that they were born as my children. Please make my brother be kind to my 

children.”

Soon Jacob realized that his heart was filled with a sense of safety. He had the assurance that the God of his forefathers would take care of his children. He went back to his tent to sleep. He woke up next morning with a clear idea of how to face that risky situation. 

He divided all his cattle and sheep and people into two groups so that if Esau attacked one group, the other group might escape. He also sent a caravan of gifts to Esau consisting of two hundred she-goats and twenty he-goats; two hundred ewes and twenty rams; thirty milch camels and their young; forty cows and ten bulls; twenty she-asses and ten he-asses. He instructed his people to tell Esau that they were gifts to ‘My Lord Esau’ from ‘your servant Jacob’.

Finally the long-awaited moment came. Jacob saw his brother at a distance. He was with four hundred men. Jacob’s heart began to pound faster and louder. Walking ahead of his wives and children, slowly he approached his brother with a multitude of emotions raging through his mind. However, he had the presence of mind to do what was appropriate in the situation. At a distance of about twenty feet, he bowed down before Esau until his forehead touched the ground. While doing so, he said in his mind, “Forgive me, my brother, for cheating you!”

Esau couldn’t believe what he saw. Twenty years ago his brother was a selfish person. He cared only for himself. He cheated his only brother who shared his mother’s womb along with him. That is why he was there with the four hundred men. But now, the same Jacob is bowing before him. Esau had also seen the gifts sent to him by Jacob. “Once he wanted to be my master,” Esau thought. “Now he is placing himself at my feet as my servant. How can I know if he is cheating me again?” He couldn’t expect Jacob to have such a dramatic change in his attitude.

Rising from the ground, Jacob saw a confused look on Esau’s face. He walked forward a couple of steps and bowed down again touching the ground a second time. He said in his mind, “Forgive me, my brother, for obtaining your birthright deceiving you.”

He rose again and moved further forward. He could see the amazing look on his brother’s face. What Esau was just witnessing was something he could never imagine. Jacob bowed a third time, and said in his mind, “Forgive me, my brother, for going to our father’s presence disguised as you!”

Jacob rose again and took a couple more steps. He saw a look of kindness on his brother’s face. He bowed again a fourth time saying in his mind, “Forgive me, my brother, for being jealous of you!”

Jacob bowed before his brother seven times! Each time he begged, in his mind, to his brother to forgive him.

When Jacob rose from his seventh bowing, Esau could not hold himself back any more. He ran toward his brother, embraced him, and wept. That was much more than what Jacob expected. He began to weep too. Jacob’s wives, children, and Esau’s men made a circle around the weeping brothers.  They saw the wall that separated them being broken down and swept away by their tears.

Finally, when Jacob opened his mouth he said, “My brother, I see God’s face on your face! What you have done to me today is something God alone is capable of doing! You forgave me although I cheated you! You showed kindness to your brother who treated you like trash!”

Back to Contents